🎧 Songs That Don’t Suck – Episode 10 (Cliff Notes)
New Tracks from Crown Lands, Jax, Drayton Farley & Extreme + The Top 5 Drinking Songs 🍻
Hey hey, it’s your Gen-X Captain America, Mark Bradbourne—shielding your eardrums from bad music and leading the sonic Avengers into the glorious battlefield of Songs That Don’t Suck. 🇺🇸🎶
This week, we raise a glass to the Top 5 Drinking Songs 🍺, explore a rainbow’s worth of musical color 🎨, and get real about why new music today might not stand the test of time (yeah, I said it). Plus—🔥 five tracks that made the cut.
🎸 Quick Hits: Metallica, De La Soul & KISS’s Final (Again) Tour
Let’s kick things off with a few musical headlines:
- Metallica’s “If Darkness Had a Son” – Honestly? Bit of a letdown after “Lux Æterna.” Hoping the full 72 Seasons album brings the thunder. 🤘
- De La Soul’s first six albums are finally streaming! Start with 3 Feet High and Rising—especially if you liked “The Magic Number” in Episode 7. R.I.P. Trugoy.
- KISS is (finally) hanging up the boots 👢—final dates of the End of the Road Tour land at MSG in NYC, December 1–2. Not a diehard fan, but trust me: if you haven’t seen them live, GO. Fire. Blood. Rock.
🥃 Top 5 Drinking Songs (As Voted by You)
We had over 90 entries, and here’s what poured out of your barstool brains:
| Rank | Song Title | Artist |
|---|---|---|
| 🥇 1 | Whiskey in the Jar | Thin Lizzy / Metallica |
| 🥈 2 | Friends in Low Places | Garth Brooks |
| 🥉 3 | One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer | George Thorogood |
| 4️⃣ | Alcohol | Brad Paisley |
| 5️⃣ | Goodnight Irene | Moxie Fruvous |
Shoutout to the lone vote for Margaritaville—we see you, Jimmy Buffett lifer. 🌴🍹
🌈 April’s New Theme: Songs That Mention Color
Spring is in the air, the daffodils are peeking out, and Ohio’s turning less gray by the minute—so this month’s Top 5 Theme is 🎨 Songs That Mention Color.
Need inspiration? Here’s a rainbow:
- ❤️ Red House – Jimi Hendrix
- 🧡 Orange Juice – Noah Kahan
- 💛 Yellow – Coldplay
- 💚 Green Onions – Booker T. & the M.G.’s
- 💙 Blue – Robert DeLong
- 💜 Indigo – Dirty Heads
- 💜 Violet – Hole
🎵 This Week’s Featured Tracks (5 Songs That Don’t Suck)
🎸 1. Crown Lands – “Lady of the Lake”
🧙♂️ For fans of: Led Zeppelin, Greta Van Fleet, fantasy prog-rock
These Canadian rock alchemists blend Tolkien-esque lyricism with thunderous drums and mind-bending guitar. If Zeppelin and Rush had a baby, and that baby liked Arthurian legends, this would be it.
🎧 Standout moment: The soaring vocals + vintage rock tone
🔥 SEO tip: Crown Lands tour dates + “Lady of the Lake” lyrics
👑 2. Jax – “Cinderella Snapped”
👠 For fans of: Avril Lavigne, Pink, feminist fairy tales
From the viral waves of “Victoria’s Secret,” Jax comes back with another empowered pop-rock anthem. Burn the castle, slay your own dragons, and crank this in your daughter’s carpool.
👧 Dad-approved for teenage daughters
💬 Lyric highlight: “This princess doesn’t need saving”
📱 TikTok is eating this up, naturally
🎻 3. Drayton Farley – “Devil’s in Nola”
🤠 For fans of: Tyler Childers, Zach Bryan, raw country storytelling
Southern gothic, rootsy and emotional—Farley’s Alabama drawl and vivid imagery will make you feel like you’re sitting on a porch in the bayou watching storm clouds roll in.
🎤 Lyric storytelling: S-tier
📍 Must-see live act (local venues, keep your eyes peeled)
💊 4. Webbed Wing – “Medication”
🎶 For fans of: The Lemonheads, early 2000s alt-rock
This Philly-based trio keeps things short and sweet: at just 2:20, “Medication” is efficient, grungy, and catchy AF. It sticks to your ribs like diner coffee and late-‘90s MTV2.
🕒 Time check: Under 2.5 mins—perfect for short attention spans
🏥 Mood: Confused, nostalgic, strangely satisfied
⚡ 5. Extreme – “Rise”
🎸 For fans of: Van Halen, Steve Vai, guitar solos that melt face
Yes, THAT Extreme—the guys behind “More Than Words”—are back with Riffzilla 2023. “Rise” is a blistering, unapologetic arena-rock banger featuring a solo from Nuno Bettencourt that should be studied in schools.
🔥 Solo rating: 11/10
📀 Album: Rise (same title)
🧠 Quote: “Nuno is easily a Top 5 living guitarist. Fight me.”
🤔 Deep Thought of the Week: Are New Songs Still Becoming “Classics”?
Hot take: In today’s hyper-fast, streaming-first world, songs don’t stick around long enough to become “classics.” With no physical hand-me-downs (CDs, tapes, vinyl), the generational transfer is gone. Everyone’s stuck in their own algorithmic echo chamber.
⚠️ When’s the last time you shared a song with someone IRL?
⚠️ Will we still be listening to Harry Styles in 20 years?
